[things have, without any shadow of a doubt, been difficult.
from the moment they had gotten word that the eye of god had been stolen once more, it's been a downhill spiral of painful, difficult situations. leon's betrayal, the reveal of his family ties, his sacrifice; the way they've had to take out the oberon managers one by one.
sure, they'd managed to save marian, but what else did they have? a largely hopeless looking situation. a situation where no matter how much he's hurting, stahn has to raise his head. there was no time to grieve, and any time he let the cracks show, someone was telling him to suck it up. he had to fulfill his duty as swordian master, they were counting on him, he was leading them.
(though he's not even sure when he became the leader, barring the fact that leon had left the task in his hands and trusted him.)
but one thing right after the other is draining. stahn hasn't had time to grieve, to mourn, to recover. he's bottling everything up, because nobody will let him be himself. he's a sheltered boy from the countryside, one who has never seen true pain and hardship before this. one who has never lost loved ones or been responsible for other people dying.
it's a weight on his shoulders that feels crushing. there's no sun in the sky—night is eternal after belcrant's firings. and while they still have stops to make to retrieve the lens they need to break through the shell and reach dycroft, the first order of business is to rest up in darilsheid's inn.
once the conversation of a plan is squared away, that's when stahn decides to slip away, exiting the inn's tavern and heading towards the cape where he and rutee had spoke before their previous journey's end. he just needs air, and some time to think—without dymlos nagging him, for once.]
[rough doesn't even begin to describe things lately.
ahhh, if rutee believed in bad luck then she'd consider buying a rabbit's foot at this point (though it might be a decent business venture to get into but that's neither here nor there). so many tragedies happened within so short a period of time, so many of them involving her own family. there wasn't even a chance to breathe before belcrant covered the world in darkness.
it's only by chance of her choosing that moment to sigh and peek out the window of her room that she notices a familiar figure walking outside. ah, that unmissable disaster of a hair style can only be a single person. no dymlos? she raises a brow. this is abnormal. then again, normal can't be used to describe much of anything lately.
stahn... she has to admit, the country bumpkin turned out to be a saving grace. that moment when she broke down --ahh, it's still so embarrassing!!!-- he saved her. all her pain and suffering, for that instant, was shared with another. it might not have changed what happened, but it made her feel like herself after so long of not being certain who she was or what to do or whatever else.
maybe she smiles lightly as stahn gets out of sight. who'd ever have thought a knight in shining armor would actually be an idiot with a heart of gold?
for him to leave dymlos and go off without anyone, however, still raises several red flags. something's up. her lips purse before she makes a choice. stahn had helped her stand strong when everything around her was in shambles; she can offer that same hand to him. leon and them, they all mattered so much to him. stahn had to stand strong before but now, when they're resting at an inn and without anyone to lead, it's okay to be the one helping him stand instead.
ah, one thing first! before dashing out after him, rutee grabs atwight and makes sure to place her beside dymlos. it can't hurt to give those two some alone time, too, right? not everyone is as oblivious as some people about their relationship.
once done, she'll start off after stahn. he went in the direction of one particular spot so she'll head that way, as well.]
[of course, stahn doesn't notice that he's being trailed.
his mind is on other things, and since he generally wouldn't expect anyone to follow him, there's not even a thought in his mind that it would happen. he knows that dymlos wasn't really fond of him going off on his own, but given the situation...
well, it was a relative amount of safety, all things considered. with the world being completely closed off until they break through to the surface, there's little chance of miktran or anyone associated with him would be coming down to create any more problems. the military is guarding the entrance to the town to ensure monsters aren't making their way in—and darilsheid is relatively safe beyond that. so it does give stahn a little bit of freedom. it allows him to turn off the necessary hero persona for just a little bit. time to collect his thoughts and be the overwhelmed country bumpkin that he is.
naturally, it doesn't take too long to get out to the cape. darilsheid is a sizable city, but not one so big that getting from place to place is too difficult. and once he gets there, he just... sits himself on the jetty. he faces the bay, eyes focused out into the darkness where the horizon should be—though it's impossible to tell save for the faint sound of the waves lightly crashing against the rocks. stahn pulls his knees to his chest, resting his chin atop them while hugging his legs.
he's not crying (perhaps surprising enough for what a crybaby he can sometimes be), but the air is definitely conflicted and melancholic as he gets a bit wrapped in his own thoughts and stuck inside his head trying to figure out what's right or what's best—both in the choices they made leading up to now, and where they're supposed to go in the future.]
[intuition like hers truly can't be beat. it's not patting herself on the back; it's simple fact... and well, okay, may slight patting but very slight. just as she'd assumed, there sits the person she was trailing. too predictable, coming here of all places.
then again, even in the darkness, it still remains oddly soothing of a spot. the sound of the waves crashing against rock relaxes, the lack of people permits for uninterrupted thinking and few venture out here with all else going on so there's no distractions. it makes sense for a person to come here to gather their thoughts alone.
if that person were anyone else but stahn. stahn resembles a puppy in so many ways. loud, people-loving, lack of intense thought? that's stahn.
not this.
she stills for a moment, a dim light a distance away illuminating stahn's figure only enough to gauge his posture. it speaks more than words could say. that intuition hit the mark again, didn't it? all the horrors they faced, all the people lost, all the sadness that came with it all: not even stahn is strong enough to bare it alone.
of course he'd try. of course he'd leave alone without a word. of course he'd be an idiot. but... none of them allowed him to mourn, had they? they placed the burden of leader on him and, something rutee herself had to drill into him, is the responsibility of a leader not breaking under stress. she doesn't regret that in that moment (stahn needed to keep strong then, they needed him to), but now isn't then. stahn right now isn't saving the world so he damn well doesn't need to keep the act up.
with a playful, if purposely attention drawing sigh, rutee starts forward toward him.]
It's never a good thing when someone like you is so lost in thought, you know.
[the jab obviously serves as a declaration of her presence as opposed to an actual insult.]
[it's pretty clear that stahn isn't actually expecting any company at all. he had been careful (or so he thought) to sneak away without being noticed. stahn never really minds company, as a person who prefers not to be alone.
but this is his burden to bear, isn't it?
he can't put this weight on someone else. not when it's been made clear to him time and time again that he can't be that weak. he has to bear his own weigh and be the strength that everyone needs to get through such a hopeless-seeming situation.
he understands the gravity of the situation, and he's come to understand that he can't drag everyone else down when they need him. it's an act, sure... but an act he wants to live up to as a swordian master, as someone who wields a swordian as strong and remarkable as dymlos, as that.
so of course, he startles a bit at the sound of a familiar voice.]
Eh—Rutee?
[definitely unexpected. he hardly even processes what her words her, because the only thing that snapped him out of his thoughts was the fact that he heard her voice. it's almost instantaneous, how he sits up at attention before whipping his head around to see her walking towards him.
[so lost in thought that she took him completely off guard? yup, that serious. and the idiot really thought he could carry this heavy a load by himself? ah, what troublesome sort of guy. he looks out for everyone else but doesn't think to let others do the same for him. well, that's why she's both beauty and brains. maybe just this once rutee doesn't mind being the one doing all the thinking.
as soon as she's nice and settled, rutee'll finally turn to look at stahn.]
So then? Spill.
[talk to her. it's okay to lean on her. voice and body language both convey her own willingness to listen to whatever might be weighing on his mind. who knows whether or not stahn'll open up so easily. even so, rutee doesn't plan on leaving him all alone with something so obviously plaguing him. maybe way back when they first met, she wouldn't have cared to comfort him, but that was then and this is now. so much has changed since their first meeting.
huh, when did things change so much?
rutee can't say when, but what matters is that this goofball next to her somehow became a precious goofball. she'll support him both in battle and outside it. free of charge, too. so, precious goofball, get to talking.]
[of course, he's troublesome in that way. when everyone has said to him time and time again that he needs to get over it, that he has to keep moving forward, that they need for him to be stronger—of course, stahn will take that to heart. he's trusting to a fault, after all. if his friends tell him that's what they need from him—
well, of course stahn is going to take that to heart.
it makes the fact that rutee is offering an ear and a shoulder in some way a bit surprising, though. after ilene's untimely death, it seems like rutee was the first to really scold him and remind him that they didn't have time for this. so this gentle offer seems...
not out of character, per se, but a bit surprising. it shows in his expression, with how his eyebrows raise and his jaw goes slack for a moment before he clamps it shut again. it's not a bad thing—they're friends, after all, and stahn has always offered her support when she was struggling (once he realized she was, of course), but here and now? he's not entirely sure how to respond.]
I was just trying to clear my head before I sleep, is all. A lot's happened lately...
[everything has been so nonstop that he just hasn't really had the time to process it. he's a sheltered kid from the countryside; before this journey...
he really didn't know much of death and destruction. he didn't know of the world's horrors. he didn't understand the evils people were capable of, or how someone who could want good and the same things he does could stand by ideals that ultimately would hurt more people—and that when those ideals couldn't be met, suicide was an option to some people.
stahn was raised so secluded that learning so much of what others had know much younger than him is just overwhelming—and he's not really sure how to address it while maintaining the ideal everyone expects from him, either.]
[she had told him to stay strong and were the situation as pressing and as dire as before then she would say it again. at that point in time, stahn needed to be strong for them all. he's become the glue that binds them and the sun that gives them hope to keep going.
ugh, that was too cheesy even for an internal monolog.
but cheesy doesn't make it untrue. without stahn around, the whole situation becomes far more dreary and hopeless. something about this silly country boy gives people hope. he may not have saved everyone, not leon or ilene or them, but he saved her and he's saving the world.]
It really has, hasn't it?
[some wistfulness colors her own face as she turns to stare out at the dark waters. so much happened so quickly and spiraled into something so horrible.]
Who would've thought that the stupid-looking guy who ruined my plans on the Draconia would end up dragging me along on the ride to save the world?
[who would've thought her opinion of him could've changed so much? or that she herself would've changed so much as a result? gald still matters to her and the kids at the orphanage do, too, but it feels as though the world matters now, too. had this transpired earlier, she might've instead took her chance to make a solid profit off selling things while waiting for someone else to play hero. with who she is now, the thought of leaving it up to someone else can only be called ridiculous. beating in miktran's face and saving the world: she wants both as much as stahn does.
and she wants to save stahn just as much.
maybe her words were too harsh earlier, especially for someone as innocent and country-bred as stahn. supporting him now ought to make up for it. doing so outright and without a little theatrics, however, isn't rutee's style. listen, despite the development, she's still her and that's why rutee heaves the most dramatic sigh possible.]
And for free, too!
[she turns and wags her finger at him as close to his face as possible.]
So that's why I'm going to charge you, Stahn, right here and now.
so even if he does perk up a bit just from general conversation—and trying to not make it so obvious that he's been a bit upset about things...
he's also a bit puzzled at rutee's approach.
it's just straight up confusion at her words and her approach, causing him to look at her with his head tilted to one side—making him certainly take on the appearance of a puppy that's heard a new sound for the first time.
except he's heard rutee say similar things before, just in a different context entirely.]
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spill;
from the moment they had gotten word that the eye of god had been stolen once more, it's been a downhill spiral of painful, difficult situations. leon's betrayal, the reveal of his family ties, his sacrifice; the way they've had to take out the oberon managers one by one.
sure, they'd managed to save marian, but what else did they have? a largely hopeless looking situation. a situation where no matter how much he's hurting, stahn has to raise his head. there was no time to grieve, and any time he let the cracks show, someone was telling him to suck it up. he had to fulfill his duty as swordian master, they were counting on him, he was leading them.
(though he's not even sure when he became the leader, barring the fact that leon had left the task in his hands and trusted him.)
but one thing right after the other is draining. stahn hasn't had time to grieve, to mourn, to recover. he's bottling everything up, because nobody will let him be himself. he's a sheltered boy from the countryside, one who has never seen true pain and hardship before this. one who has never lost loved ones or been responsible for other people dying.
it's a weight on his shoulders that feels crushing. there's no sun in the sky—night is eternal after belcrant's firings. and while they still have stops to make to retrieve the lens they need to break through the shell and reach dycroft, the first order of business is to rest up in darilsheid's inn.
once the conversation of a plan is squared away, that's when stahn decides to slip away, exiting the inn's tavern and heading towards the cape where he and rutee had spoke before their previous journey's end. he just needs air, and some time to think—without dymlos nagging him, for once.]
no subject
ahhh, if rutee believed in bad luck then she'd consider buying a rabbit's foot at this point (though it might be a decent business venture to get into but that's neither here nor there). so many tragedies happened within so short a period of time, so many of them involving her own family. there wasn't even a chance to breathe before belcrant covered the world in darkness.
it's only by chance of her choosing that moment to sigh and peek out the window of her room that she notices a familiar figure walking outside. ah, that unmissable disaster of a hair style can only be a single person. no dymlos? she raises a brow. this is abnormal. then again, normal can't be used to describe much of anything lately.
stahn... she has to admit, the country bumpkin turned out to be a saving grace. that moment when she broke down --ahh, it's still so embarrassing!!!-- he saved her. all her pain and suffering, for that instant, was shared with another. it might not have changed what happened, but it made her feel like herself after so long of not being certain who she was or what to do or whatever else.
maybe she smiles lightly as stahn gets out of sight. who'd ever have thought a knight in shining armor would actually be an idiot with a heart of gold?
for him to leave dymlos and go off without anyone, however, still raises several red flags. something's up. her lips purse before she makes a choice. stahn had helped her stand strong when everything around her was in shambles; she can offer that same hand to him. leon and them, they all mattered so much to him. stahn had to stand strong before but now, when they're resting at an inn and without anyone to lead, it's okay to be the one helping him stand instead.
ah, one thing first! before dashing out after him, rutee grabs atwight and makes sure to place her beside dymlos. it can't hurt to give those two some alone time, too, right? not everyone is as oblivious as some people about their relationship.
once done, she'll start off after stahn. he went in the direction of one particular spot so she'll head that way, as well.]
no subject
his mind is on other things, and since he generally wouldn't expect anyone to follow him, there's not even a thought in his mind that it would happen. he knows that dymlos wasn't really fond of him going off on his own, but given the situation...
well, it was a relative amount of safety, all things considered. with the world being completely closed off until they break through to the surface, there's little chance of miktran or anyone associated with him would be coming down to create any more problems. the military is guarding the entrance to the town to ensure monsters aren't making their way in—and darilsheid is relatively safe beyond that. so it does give stahn a little bit of freedom. it allows him to turn off the necessary hero persona for just a little bit. time to collect his thoughts and be the overwhelmed country bumpkin that he is.
naturally, it doesn't take too long to get out to the cape. darilsheid is a sizable city, but not one so big that getting from place to place is too difficult. and once he gets there, he just... sits himself on the jetty. he faces the bay, eyes focused out into the darkness where the horizon should be—though it's impossible to tell save for the faint sound of the waves lightly crashing against the rocks. stahn pulls his knees to his chest, resting his chin atop them while hugging his legs.
he's not crying (perhaps surprising enough for what a crybaby he can sometimes be), but the air is definitely conflicted and melancholic as he gets a bit wrapped in his own thoughts and stuck inside his head trying to figure out what's right or what's best—both in the choices they made leading up to now, and where they're supposed to go in the future.]
no subject
then again, even in the darkness, it still remains oddly soothing of a spot. the sound of the waves crashing against rock relaxes, the lack of people permits for uninterrupted thinking and few venture out here with all else going on so there's no distractions. it makes sense for a person to come here to gather their thoughts alone.
if that person were anyone else but stahn. stahn resembles a puppy in so many ways. loud, people-loving, lack of intense thought? that's stahn.
not this.
she stills for a moment, a dim light a distance away illuminating stahn's figure only enough to gauge his posture. it speaks more than words could say. that intuition hit the mark again, didn't it? all the horrors they faced, all the people lost, all the sadness that came with it all: not even stahn is strong enough to bare it alone.
of course he'd try. of course he'd leave alone without a word. of course he'd be an idiot. but... none of them allowed him to mourn, had they? they placed the burden of leader on him and, something rutee herself had to drill into him, is the responsibility of a leader not breaking under stress. she doesn't regret that in that moment (stahn needed to keep strong then, they needed him to), but now isn't then. stahn right now isn't saving the world so he damn well doesn't need to keep the act up.
with a playful, if purposely attention drawing sigh, rutee starts forward toward him.]
It's never a good thing when someone like you is so lost in thought, you know.
[the jab obviously serves as a declaration of her presence as opposed to an actual insult.]
no subject
but this is his burden to bear, isn't it?
he can't put this weight on someone else. not when it's been made clear to him time and time again that he can't be that weak. he has to bear his own weigh and be the strength that everyone needs to get through such a hopeless-seeming situation.
he understands the gravity of the situation, and he's come to understand that he can't drag everyone else down when they need him. it's an act, sure... but an act he wants to live up to as a swordian master, as someone who wields a swordian as strong and remarkable as dymlos, as that.
so of course, he startles a bit at the sound of a familiar voice.]
Eh—Rutee?
[definitely unexpected. he hardly even processes what her words her, because the only thing that snapped him out of his thoughts was the fact that he heard her voice. it's almost instantaneous, how he sits up at attention before whipping his head around to see her walking towards him.
(so much for that whole plan, huh?)]
no subject
That serious, hmm?
[so lost in thought that she took him completely off guard? yup, that serious. and the idiot really thought he could carry this heavy a load by himself? ah, what troublesome sort of guy. he looks out for everyone else but doesn't think to let others do the same for him. well, that's why she's both beauty and brains. maybe just this once rutee doesn't mind being the one doing all the thinking.
as soon as she's nice and settled, rutee'll finally turn to look at stahn.]
So then? Spill.
[talk to her. it's okay to lean on her. voice and body language both convey her own willingness to listen to whatever might be weighing on his mind. who knows whether or not stahn'll open up so easily. even so, rutee doesn't plan on leaving him all alone with something so obviously plaguing him. maybe way back when they first met, she wouldn't have cared to comfort him, but that was then and this is now. so much has changed since their first meeting.
huh, when did things change so much?
rutee can't say when, but what matters is that this goofball next to her somehow became a precious goofball. she'll support him both in battle and outside it. free of charge, too. so, precious goofball, get to talking.]
no subject
well, of course stahn is going to take that to heart.
it makes the fact that rutee is offering an ear and a shoulder in some way a bit surprising, though. after ilene's untimely death, it seems like rutee was the first to really scold him and remind him that they didn't have time for this. so this gentle offer seems...
not out of character, per se, but a bit surprising. it shows in his expression, with how his eyebrows raise and his jaw goes slack for a moment before he clamps it shut again. it's not a bad thing—they're friends, after all, and stahn has always offered her support when she was struggling (once he realized she was, of course), but here and now? he's not entirely sure how to respond.]
I was just trying to clear my head before I sleep, is all. A lot's happened lately...
[everything has been so nonstop that he just hasn't really had the time to process it. he's a sheltered kid from the countryside; before this journey...
he really didn't know much of death and destruction. he didn't know of the world's horrors. he didn't understand the evils people were capable of, or how someone who could want good and the same things he does could stand by ideals that ultimately would hurt more people—and that when those ideals couldn't be met, suicide was an option to some people.
stahn was raised so secluded that learning so much of what others had know much younger than him is just overwhelming—and he's not really sure how to address it while maintaining the ideal everyone expects from him, either.]
no subject
ugh, that was too cheesy even for an internal monolog.
but cheesy doesn't make it untrue. without stahn around, the whole situation becomes far more dreary and hopeless. something about this silly country boy gives people hope. he may not have saved everyone, not leon or ilene or them, but he saved her and he's saving the world.]
It really has, hasn't it?
[some wistfulness colors her own face as she turns to stare out at the dark waters. so much happened so quickly and spiraled into something so horrible.]
Who would've thought that the stupid-looking guy who ruined my plans on the Draconia would end up dragging me along on the ride to save the world?
[who would've thought her opinion of him could've changed so much? or that she herself would've changed so much as a result? gald still matters to her and the kids at the orphanage do, too, but it feels as though the world matters now, too. had this transpired earlier, she might've instead took her chance to make a solid profit off selling things while waiting for someone else to play hero. with who she is now, the thought of leaving it up to someone else can only be called ridiculous. beating in miktran's face and saving the world: she wants both as much as stahn does.
and she wants to save stahn just as much.
maybe her words were too harsh earlier, especially for someone as innocent and country-bred as stahn. supporting him now ought to make up for it. doing so outright and without a little theatrics, however, isn't rutee's style. listen, despite the development, she's still her and that's why rutee heaves the most dramatic sigh possible.]
And for free, too!
[she turns and wags her finger at him as close to his face as possible.]
So that's why I'm going to charge you, Stahn, right here and now.
no subject
so even if he does perk up a bit just from general conversation—and trying to not make it so obvious that he's been a bit upset about things...
he's also a bit puzzled at rutee's approach.
it's just straight up confusion at her words and her approach, causing him to look at her with his head tilted to one side—making him certainly take on the appearance of a puppy that's heard a new sound for the first time.
except he's heard rutee say similar things before, just in a different context entirely.]
Eh? Charge me for what?